We See Things, Not As They Are, But As We Are

A couple of years ago, an experiment was conducted at an high school.

The Principal called three teachers to his office and told them, “Because you are the best three teachers, we’re going to put ninety of the top performing students in your charge for one year. These kids are all high-IQ students, and we’re putting you in charge of them because you’re the ones we trust to be able to handle them effectively.”

The three teachers were super-excited! High-IQ students? That means they will have an easier and more enjoyable time teaching these kids.

And that they did!

For the next year, it was a delightful journey for both the teachers and students. Teaching these brilliant students was awesome! Learning from these amazing teachers was amazing!

At the end of the one year, these students had performed 20-30% better than their counterparts in the vicinity.

The principal once again called the teachers into his office and asked about the students’ performance.

“It was fantastic!” said the happy teachers. “These students really are the best students.”

“Well, I have a confession to make,” said the principal. “You see, there was nothing special about the students. They were regular students, who were picked at random.”

“Then we must be really good teachers.” They said.

“I have another confession,” the principal told them again. “Your names were the first three drawn out from a hat.”

“Then what made the difference?” wondered the teachers.

The difference, of course, was the expectations of both teachers and students.

---

The story is told of a man who, one day, could not find his favorite wrench in his shed.

Because Josh, the neighbors’ son, was a known delinquent, the old man suspected him of being the one who took the wrench.

For the next several days, every of Josh’s actions became suspicious to the old man. The way he talked, the way he walked, his body language, everything.

After one week, the old man finally decide that he would confront Josh in the evening. And in the afternoon, he found the missing wrench behind a stack of boxes.

Of course, Josh’s actions immediately stopped being suspicious. They suddenly looked very normal.

We see things, not as they are, but as we are.

Expectations

“Expectation is the root of all heartaches” – Shakespeare

“I like Tony”, Abigail told her husband when he returned from work in the evening.

“Uh, which Tony?”, her husband, Samuel, asked her, feigning surprise.

“Which Tony? Seriously? Are you kidding me? Of course the boy you just brought from your village. I like him very much. He’s useful around the house.

“I mean, he doesn’t even need special instructions before he helps with chores around the house. I like him very much.”

“Well,” Samuel said, “he’s been here for barely three days. Are you sure you’ll not change your feelings about him after about the first one week?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m talking from experience, okay. The guy’s just arrived, so he’s bound to not be himself. I think you should wait a little while until he’s properly settled down. That way, he would have had the chance to settle into his real self. Then you can decide if you truly like him or not.”

“You’re talking from experience now, are you?” Abigail replied, annoyance beginning to become evident in her tone, “I guess the rest of us do not have experience, since we were born only yesterday. So, I’ll just leave the only experienced adult to do what experienced adults do, and I’ll go think about my inexperience, then”

“I do not mean it that way, dearest one…”

“No you don’t!” Abigail retorted, “you only mean that I do not know what I’m saying since you have access to knowledge I don’t. It’s okay, just eat your food. I’ll be waiting for you to come eat the ‘other’ food.”

“I’m sorry”, Samuel apologized.

=========================
That was three weeks ago.
=========================

“You have to take this useless boy back to wherever you brought him from!” Abigail would not even allow her husband to settle down on his return from work.

As soon as Samuel entered the house, that was the very first thing she told him. She did not even take his bag from him.

“Uh, which useless boy are we talking about again?” Samuel asked her, gentle as ever.

“This spoilt brat, Tony or whatever you call his name. He’s completely useless around the house.

“Can you imagine that this morning, the only thing he did in the house was to sweep. After that, he took his stupid bag and said he was going to some useless work.”

“But what is wrong with that?” Samuel asked, looking slightly confused.

“What is wrong with that? Everything is wrong with that!

“What about the dishes? Who should wash them? Should I be the one washing the dishes he ate with?

“And that’s not all. He doesn’t even assist in the cooking. He’d just wait, allow me to finish cooking, then bring that his stupid mouth to come and eat the food I toiled before preparing. For what!”

“But two days ago, when you wanted to prepare pounded yam, I was sure he was the one who pounded it since you could not pound yam. Is that not him helping with food preparation?”

“Oh, so it’s only pounded yam we’ve been eating in this house, eh?”

“And about the dishes,” Samuel continued, “how about your own children? Can they not do the dishes? If I remember correctly, Tony is older than our first son by about three years. So there’s really no question of his elder washing his plates, since he’s the eldest child in the house.”

“Really?” Abigail angrily replied her husband. “So he has no other usefulness in this house than to eat my food and sleep? And then go to his nonsense work he goes to occasionally?”

“But you just admitted yourself that he helps with food once in a while. And you said he swept the house this morning before leaving home. What else do you expect from him?

“You don’t expect that he’d be the one to do all the house chores now, do you? When we’ve got four children of our own. I mean, what should they be doing?”

“See, I don’t care to listen to your argument. What I know is that I want him out of this house as soon as possible.”

=========================
Five days later.
=========================

“You know, I hate to admit it, but I miss Tony.” Abigail told Samuel while they were resting after dinner on Saturday.”

“I hate to mention this,” Samuel replied, “but didn’t you insist I return him to where I brought him from? So what has suddenly changed.”

“Oh please, do not make fun of me! I just miss his handiness around the house.”

“Well, you wanted him returned because you had problems with him, and you got your wish. So what has changed?”

“I don’t know, but I just know that I miss him. I cannot pinpoint exactly what it is that has happened since he left.”

“I think I do.” Samuel replied. “You remember when he first came, and you said you liked him? I told you to give it time before you decide.

“I think what made you decide so soon that you liked him was that he was meeting up with your expectations. Expectations.

“You see, expectation is not really that great a thing. You had expectations of how he should behave. What he should do. Who he should be. You did not really consider who he is. After all, it’s really about him, not you.

“You already formed a mental image of who he should be without regard to who he is. So, when his true self surfaced, you got disappointed. What you wanted was not what you got. That is because you already formed an opinion of what he should be.

“If you had expected nothing from him, you’d have been way satisfied with him. You guys should have gone on to become great friends.”

“Ah, I get it now”, Abigail said, relief evident in her tone. “I was disappointed because I expected something from him that he is not. I should have just allowed him to show me who he really is and worked with that.”

“Great. I think now we’re ready to go bring Tony back, right?”

“Right.”

What lesson did you learn from the story?